So as I’ve stated before, our guild has been recruiting somewhat aggressively lately and we were able to bring some new apps in. However, there was one rather… interesting app. Now this guy isn’t on the level of Fail Sauceor anything like that and he’s not exactly causing trouble so much as being hilarious, but he still gives me pause. However, I will let you be the judge as I relate to you the story of Silly Newb.
I’ll start with some background. Silly Newb posted on our forums a week ago stating that he was as a shadow priests, no, strike that, THE shadow priest (his words) willing to grace us with his awesomeness. That’s not a problem though, nothing wrong with confidence in an app, right? However, what struck me as odd was that he was only level 60 when he apped. “Don’t worry,” says Silly Newb in his app, “I’ll be 80 in two weeks.”
So all the officers go into a huddle and it’s decided that, though unusual, this app is pretty ballsy to even post on the forums. According to him, however, he already has a level 80 Alliance druid that he leveled from 60 to 80 in no time at all and is more than confidant he can do it again. After further discussion it’s decided that we’ll let him in on a trial basis on the condition that he be level 80 and geared for at least Naxx 25 by March 24th. A bit of a tall order, but far from impossible for THE shadow priest. This is about where things start to go slightly awry for Silly Newb.
We bring him into the guild, set him up with limited forum access and basically tell him to get to work and start making those levels. However, as my buddy Scrat so eloquently put it, he became like a friend you invite over who starts telling all your other guests what to do. One of the first things he does with his forum access is starts commenting on other app’s posts, telling them what they should do to improve their class and play style. Yeah, the officers weren’t pleased about that.
The second thing he does is makes a post in our guild comments section asking for people to come and help him in Zangarmarsh so he can complete some group quests. Now I’m all for helping out lowbies, trust me, I’ve run Sunken Temple more times that I’d like to admit, but posting on the forums? And for Zangar? I mean, if you’re shooting for level 80 as quickly possible, just level till you can go to the next zone and abandon all your leftover quests. One of the officers posted telling him not to bother the guild with that kind of stuff and just move on.
So Silly Newb, who doesn’t know that this is an officer speaking to him, proceeds to ask her who the hell she thinks she is as this is the same person who told him to re-app when he was 80. This led to a lot of hilarity as the following 10 posts were filled with open derision and poking of fun at Silly Newb. But it still makes me nervous because the simple fact of the matter is that Silly Newb is the one who has something to prove, but he’s already acting like it’s a done deal and he’s in the guild.
It gets better though. Last night we’re running Naxx and just as we’re getting ready to do a little disco dancing, he begins to ask where he should go in Outlandto level now that he’s done with Zangar. “Where’d you go on your druid?” someone asks. “I don’t remember, lol,” says Silly Newb. Lol indeed. How do you forget? Outland is relatively tiny and there’s only two options really and apparently he can’t figure out how to walk on paths or what breadcrumb quests are.
Of course, this led to the highlight of my evening when Scrat asked him if he still had the instruction manual for WoW. I then suggested that maybe he should go to Kunark cause there’s hella exp there, so much more than Antonica. This degenerated into a 20 minute nerd fest for all the OG Everquest players, of course. But, though hilarious, it does not solve the problem of what to do about Silly Newb.
So I ask you, gentle jerkwads, how would you handle this situation? There’s already speculation that he’ll get dropped before the trial period ends based on his attitude. We’re also starting a pool of how high we think he’ll actually level by trial’s end (I got 76, c’mon big money!). But the real issue at hand is that we said we’d give him a chance but he’s already effin it up before he’s even really started. We don’t mind helping out, but in a progression guild you need to be able to help yourself and this guy is not proving that he can do that. Oh, and he also informed us last night that apparently half his house burned down and that may cause him to be late on the trial date now. I smell trouble, and it’s name is Silly Newb.