Ventrilo, A Confederacy of Dunces

"You guys are assholes"

"You guys are assholes"

Ventrilo is one of the most often used tools of the trade in WoW.  Vent, as most people call it, is a voice chat program that allows users to set up a server for other to connect to so they can speak to each other.  It’s commonly used by guilds and occasionally by friends who just want to be able to speak to each other without all that annoying typing.  It goes a long long way when raiding to be able to communicate with other without having to stop what you’re doing on your char.

However, there can be drawbacks to this wondrous tool.  As is often the case, when you get 25 different personalities together, eventually someone will make themselves out to be somewhat of an ass.  I’ve already spoken of Raidiquettein the past so I won’t give you some silly portmanteau involving Vent and etiquette.  Ok, Ventiquette, happy now?  But I will speak of the different personalities you might run across while in Vent, and in that interest, I will start with the most common of Vent animals…

The Lurker

The Lurker is the person who mainly just listens and hardly ever talks while sitting in the vent channel.  Sometimes they’re wholly quiet, not even showing up in raid chat unless necessary.  Other times they’ll be quite talkative in raid chat, blah blahing all over the place with nary a peep in Vent itself.  You can always tell if someone’s a Lurker because when they do finally say something on Vent, it’s almost immediately followed by, “Who is this?”  Don’t be fooled by their quiet charm, however, unlike Silent Bob, just because they’re quiet doesn’t mean when they actually speak they have something important to say.

The Chatty Cathy

On the opposite end of the spectrum, these are the people who just will not shut up while sitting in Vent.  Subject matter ranging from what they’re watching on TV to how their latest colonoscopy went is fair game for the Chatty Cathy.  These people will pontificate at great length on almost any subject and you will listen because you have no choice.  If silence ever finally settles on the raid for a significant length of time, these people will always jump on any chance to start talking again.  You can identify them by simply pressing your talk button and not saying anything which will most likely end with the Chatty Cathie desperately asking if you wanted to say something.

The Lonely Guild Officer

This is the person who after a wipe starts trying to figure out what went wrong and where.  His question of “Ok, who was standing in the fire of doom then ran through the raid spreading AoE debuffs?” has the power to turn even the most talkative Chatty Cathie into a Lurker.  These people are most often identified by their raging indignation at stupidity and are usually accompanied by a chorus of crickets.  They also usually have a slew of add ons and meters so they will eventually find out who did it, which can lead to them becoming…

The Angriest Raider

Though not always a guild officer, these people usually are.  These are the people who can and will call you out and make you look like a fool in front of everybody.  They have no problem yelling at people who are responsible for wipes and making sure that the guild is aware of your questionable lineage which obviously lead to your current brain damage.  Easily identified by the constant stream of “what the FUCK?!?!’s” and the sounds of them furiously clicking back through combat logs after wipes, these people feel they are truly responsible for keeping the raid focused.  Though somewhat helpful (you don’t want to coddle stupid raiders), they also won’t be making very many friends in the guild.

The Vent Newb

These are the people who’ve just started raiding and are made to log into Vent for the first time.  Like a foal trying it’s hardest to stand, it’s so cute when they type questions like “how do I get into the channel you guys are in?” or “what button do I push so you guys can hear me?”  Adorable.  Like any other newb though, it can quickly grow tiresome if they’re not quick learners.  Oh, and do me a favor, find the volume button first as this will result in less murder for you.

The Jolly Rodger

I don’t know how prevalent this particular Vent personality is, but we have one in my guild and quite frankly I love it.  This is the person who laughs uproariously at almost everything, no matter how funny it actually is.  Easily identified by the fact that almost all of his sentences will end with at least a chuckle or two, this guy makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when his guffaws come over Vent.  I suppose if he had an annoying laugh, maybe not so much, but as it stands now, a good thing.

The Sad Sack

Possibly the most annoying of Vent personalities, these guys will go on and on at great length about the most depressing things.  Look, I’m a nice guy and I don’t wish you ill will, but I don’t want to hear about the fact that your girlfriend just broke up with you (probably because you play too many video games).  I’m not on WoW to comfort you in a time of crisis and, quite frankly, just because we raid together doesn’t mean I’m your friend.  That type of subject matter should stay in whispers with people who are your friends (Hint: check your friends list).  It’s rude to force your troubles on others not interested in listening to them.

The Non-Raider

These are people who aren’t actually in your raid group but are on Vent anyways just to chat.  This doesn’t usually happen, but when they show up it can become extremely annoying extremely quickly.  Nobody wants to describe to someone outside the raid what the raid is doing.  We don’t have some urge to let everyone know what dropped and no, we’re not interested in helping you figure out your trade skills while we’re fighting a boss.  You can identify these people by the fact that they usually try to talk at inappropriate times, usually by asking why everyone’s so quiet during a boss fight.

Vent is such a great tool and is pretty much necessary for any guild serious about raiding.  These people can disrupt it, but generally for the most part, the infractions are minor and far between.  As long as people for the most part stay focused and quiet when it’s necessary there shouldn’t be too much of a problem.  Except for the Non-Raider, kick his ass from the channel if you can.


PS:  If you haven’t read A Confederacy of Dunces, I highly recommend it as it’s made of pure awesome.

PPS:  I know that picture kind of sucks, but I’m at work and put it together in about 20 minutes, so hush.


10 Responses to “Ventrilo, A Confederacy of Dunces”

  1. 03/18/2009 at 9:59 AM

    You forgot one:

    The Beethoven: This person’s name appears in the channel, but they appear at times to be oblivious to oral instructions. This may or may not impact their ability to perform as raiding geniuses. Causes of deafness include: blaring their own music, muting their fellow raiders.

  2. 2 Chibikeni
    03/18/2009 at 10:13 AM

    Any classification for a Ventrilo user doing deep breaths over the mic like Darth Vader? O.o

  3. 03/18/2009 at 1:06 PM

    Another one:
    The Soundboard

    The guy who no one knows, who just jumps on a soundboard and does annoying stuff for hours.

    But are there any good personalities other than the Guffaw guy? I would think so.

  4. 4 Anea
    03/18/2009 at 1:45 PM

    I am The Lurker. Because I play with Lus 99% of the time, I’m used to non-typing communication through talking to him sitting next to me, so even when we’re grouped (in a guild group) I never think to get on. Only when I’m reminded will I get on. And even then, because I’m not used to being on vent, I will type in /party or /raid to other members… even when I’m on vent.

    There is a certain habit that I really really don’t like. I was going to say that it doesn’t necessarily belong to any type, but I take that back. Lots of Lurkers have this habit, I’m assuming because they’re never on vent enough to know any better. They’re the ones that have the “key clicks” enabled and blow your eardrums out every single time they talk, plus cut off their first syllable in the first place. I hate these people. I hate that noise. GAH!

  5. 5 Anea
    03/18/2009 at 1:48 PM

    Oh, P.S. – I started to read A Confederacy of Dunces on the high recommendation from my mother but I have to say…. meh. I guess it wasn’t my type of book. Did I just not understand the awesomeness?

  6. 03/18/2009 at 8:18 PM

    Hmm how would u categorize the guys that are invited for a pug raid, are in vent, but don’t listen to their vent and don’t know what they’re doing. ex) ppl who mute their vent.

  7. 03/19/2009 at 9:52 AM

    Ah in my new guild I can now revel in being a Lurker! 🙂 Seriously you have no idea how happy I am about this.

    The Echo: The guy that absolutely has to repeat everything that’s already just been said…

  8. 03/19/2009 at 11:15 AM

    The Guy Who Thinks Out Loud

    He died mid-fight. While everyone else is concentrating and continuing to battle against the forces of evil, he’s musing in vent: “I don’t know what happened, did I get hit by that meteor? I know I didn’t stand in the fire, hang on, let me check my logs.” CLEAR VENT. “Wait, here it is, I think one of the adds got away from the tank, and I must have drawn aggro.” CLEAR VENT. “I know, next time I’ll slow down on dps before phase 3.” CLEAR VENT.

    I suppose this is a variant of the sad sack?

  9. 9 Melissa
    03/19/2009 at 1:26 PM

    I find that when the Guild/raid officer asks “Ok, who was standing in the fire of doom etc?”, it actually makes our chatty cathy talk MORE. This person feels the need to explain the fight over again and then state why you should do this and not that. Then they go on to tell us what they did at that point and how they know it is not them. They also tend to talk over everyone else. I’ve told them to shut up on more than one occasion. I think they are making me into the angry raider! LOL

  10. 03/23/2009 at 11:28 AM

    Heh, great post Deug. Made me laugh as I recognized myself and others in the descriptions. ❤

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